| An early morning explosion completely destroyed
Sam's Bakery. Sam having just recently sold the bakery to a
corporation was planning to travel the world and see the modern marvels of
our time. "It just came out of the blue, and blew!" said Sam when
asked about the destruction of his former bakery. Police estimate that
the explosion was the equivalent of 15 sticks of dynamite. Many of the
surrounding buildings have been evacuated pending repairs or demolitions. |
Tired of
eating demonically possessed bakery items? Does it ruin your whole day
when your loved ones are possessed by demons, trying to kill you and you
have to take a day off of work to get an exorcism? Try the new Angel
Bakery located right in the heart of Denver on 16th street. We
guarantee that our products are 100% demon free, unlike our competitors who
have no such claim! Switch now and save your soul! |
Wanted: Local mountain
town in need of strong brave men to destroy local Zombie population.
Low pay, dangerous working conditions. Survival not guaranteed.
Send telegram to Mayor of Eldora for directions and detailed instructions. |
An earthquake hit
Denver earlier this morning. Minor damage was caused all around the
Denver area. The most spectacular was this derailing of a passenger
train bound for Boston. No one was seriously hurt because the train
had not been boarded. One irate passenger had this to say, "Trains are
supposed to be a modern convenience. They make it possible to work in
places like Denver and then travel home to Boston every two weeks. How
am I supposed to make a living with all of these train wreaks?"
Earthquakes are normally the sign of Biblical apocalyptical destruction of
society, or an indicator that you are in California. The Rocky
Mountain News has conclusive proof that the end of the world is not at hand.
Denver is also not located anywhere near California. Scientists are
baffled by the sudden earth tremor and have so far been unable to provide an
explanation.